By Gordon Creamer
Caring for our own selves is in a constant conversation with the pressing intersections of providing something for others and the thankless act of prioritizing a multitude of often competing needs, requirements, and demands. To this end, the act of honoring oneself and the presence of diverse, even conflicting emotions becomes quite onerous. And, REST can become a passing, yet aching thought, while respite for one’s body and spirit boldly become a luxury. Subsequently, if some type of self-care activity is participated in, many familiar, lurking hurdles reveal themselves as caregivers habitually experience anxiety and/or self-criticism for choosing to embody what they so critically need to sustain their respective well-being.
If you are reading this and it resonates, please know and trust that you are not alone. You are in good company — great and numerous company actually — since recent studies indicate that between 59 to 63 million caregivers actively fulfill this role across America. This number shares its expansive breadth with several million professional caregivers who labor as nurses, aides, therapists, and chaplains alongside other affiliated members of this ever-widening community.
In my own recent experiences of caring for my parents and uncle in the last years of their lives, I can readily identify with what so many caregivers need and desire. I remember vividly the constant pouring out of my interior resources and physical stamina. And, I cannot forget the much less pouring in of restoration, time, and spaces for repose.
With this in my heart, I would like to offer those reading this reflection some questions that divinely guided my path of caregiving and the ongoing discernment that saved me time and again on that arduous, exhausting — and yes, life-giving — journey of care.
In no distinct order:
- Where is God’s Presence in this moment…day…change…decline…loss…stressful era?…
- Who am I becoming as I provide this important care to ____________ (whether hands-on and directly or indirectly)? And, who do I authentically desire to be?
- What is mine to do right now?…With this next deep breath?…
And lastly, am I able to, even in the smallest degree, allow my inner radiance to emanate in this encounter of providing care? (The response to this question, while it may vacillate, is essential to one’s own experience of being called, as well as one’s individual sense of flourishing in the midst of any circumstance.)
I also learned that within each integral component of my entire self that healing is essential and gradual, and always possible because of whose divine image each human being is created in. Curing, reversing, and even resolving at times, is much less frequent.
This realization, which sometimes manifests as an epiphany, can usher us into the present moment – in our awareness, our bodies, and our souls. Spiritual practices, deep intentional breathing, and kindness towards ourselves have intrinsic power to uplift and ground us in this reality. This becomes intrinsic to our survival as caregivers. It is essential to our own witness to what is most sacred and meaningful in our caring for others at any station in our journey of life.
In closing, I share the incredible wisdom of Saint Francis of Assisi. It can be applied in matters and tasks of caregiving, and really any endeavor in life that is challenging. He is quoted as saying that we should “start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.”
May blessings abound on your journey today and always…
Gordon Creamer will be facilitating a Caregivers Retreat Day at Bon Secours on Saturday, May 2 from 9:30am-4pm. We have a space for you – please join us!