By Rev. Joan Crawford
Some ask how I’m doing these days. I answer:
I’ve taken to moaning. Yes, moaning. I find myself moaning or humming all day long. A song requires too much from me at this moment of reiterated suffering, bewilderment, and uncertainty. My lips can no longer form the words a song demands, and my mind can no longer untwist the twisted reasoning of those in power. Did my ancestors feel like this? At which point did they settle into the morass of moving waters and become one with the water?
I’ve also taken to rocking. I moan, I rock, and I feel better. I recall being held in my mother’s arms, and her mother’s arms, and her mother’s mother’s arms, all the way back to Africa to the mother of us all. Rocking, moaning, and holding prayer beads. Walking, humming, and praying the rosary. I look to the sky. I take in the Cosmic Christ, better yet, he takes me in. My Jesus, My Beloved. All right, all right, all right, like a mantra. Jesus says, “It’s going to be all right.”
Moving water flowing like a Deep River, a symbol of life’s ups and downs. A spiritual hymn of which Howard Thurman wrote, “This is perhaps the most universal in insight and certainly the most intellectual of all the spirituals.” The river symbolizes life. Life is like the river. You are the river, ever flowing, no matter how many times you stumble upon sodden branches or impediments along the banks, you keep on keepin’ on.
I call upon the ancestors. Langston, speaks about rivers.
I’ve known rivers.
I’ve known rivers ancient as the world and older than
the flow of human blood in human veins.
My soul has grown deep like the rivers.
Moses whispers, “Children, wade in the water. God’s gonna trouble the water.” Some rose up from the water and taught the people to fly. Others tread the water. Many were born on the water. Can you see them? Can you hear them? I am one of them. I am God’s child.
The Reverend Joan Crawford is an African American spiritual director, deacon, and Benedictine Oblate whose ministry bridges Christian traditions and communities. A “Catholic-Quaker” rooted in the Black Church and formed by an ecumenical journey, she leads retreats and workshops on African American spirituality and racial healing, grounded in her conviction that the Divine presence lives in every person. Known for her warmth, candor, and deep listening, Joan invites others into a faith that is courageous, healing, and alive with hope. She will facilitate a 3-night retreat on African American Mystics from June 16-19, 2026 at the Bon Secours Retreat & Conference Center.